That Time of Night

Yep.  It's that time night.  The time when everyone in the house is quiet, I'm home from my activities, and my mind is running rampant.


It's that small portion of time that's all mine.  It belongs to me, and I love taking the time to appreciate it.  This is the time when I think of all the facets of my life at once.  They come together to form a single, short moment of clarity.

I can see clearly.

There are many, so many, beautiful instants in life.  Like today, when I drove with the windows down for the first time this year, and I could see the sun bursting through the clouds. I could see the golden warmth streaming through the rolling clouds, some of which looked remarkably like fairytale castles to me.  That was a beautiful moment when I was reminded of all the good in my life. I was reminded that there is so much sunshine exploding into my life.  Even the clouds, which we sometimes choose to see as a bad thing, they have their purpose, and they are beautiful in their own way.


Anyway, there are always precious moments throughout the day, but this has to be my favorite.


I realized that at this moment in my life, I am at a jumping off point. I am at the base of my life right now.  This is the first time in my life when I realized that I have NO IDEA what comes next.  I've always had at least a vague idea of what was going to happen next.  Now...nothing.

What's ahead for me?  What adventures will I lay claim to?

Have you ever thought of that?  The thought that I have life before me.  I mean life.  It's so exciting.  There will be times when my heart is truly broken.  There will be times when I will laugh so hard I will cry and there will be epiphany moments, when I realize what my life is really about.  Or what Christ's life was all about, or something.  I will be around people. I will make new friends. I will lose some. I will, D.V., get married. Who will be with me?  What will the relationships I have now be like in 10 years?  I don't know.  And I'm so excited to find out.


But at the same time its frightening, and leaving me apprehensive.  I'm trying to form a plan for next year, but nothing's working out the way I want it to.  I'm so nervous.


Today I heard a song, that hit home.  I heard a song that made me say, "duh!"  The line that got my attention was: " Another wave of doubt, will it pull you under?  You wonder, what if I'm overtaken, what if I never make it?  What if no one's there?  Will you hear my prayer?  When You take that first step into the unknown, you know that He won't let you go.  So what are you waiting for?"


God's not letting me go.  Even if everyone else is leaving me on my own, to make these next decisions, God is always there, leading me every step of the way.  Even if I don't know what's coming next, God is showing me to my door of opportunity.  And even if I'm not 100% sure, and I take a step, maybe even a wrong step, or I do something crazy, it's not as though God's will abandon me for that.  He's still keeping me safe, and I know He always will.


So tonight, in my moment of clarity, I am resting peacefully.  Knowing that God, my Savior is protecting me in His hand, and will be with me as I take these first steps into the unknown.  Praise God from whom ALL blessings, including this moment of clarity and peace, flow freely.